LibertasPost

1. Stephen Harper announces Senators will not be elected or appointed, but rather chosen by random draw at Tim Horton’s.

2. The government decides a gun registry isn’t such a bad idea, provided it only registers “cool guns” like Glocks, Uzis and Magnums.

3. Ottawa announces it will not only pay for contraception as part of foreign aid, but will also provide free blow-up dolls, fetish gear and Spanish Fly.

4. Ottawa backs off plans to change the words to “O, Canada” and focuses instead on changing the music to a more uptempo zydeco beat.

5. Instead of taxcuts, the federal gov't decides to pass around a big glass jar for all Canadians to make a voluntary contribution.